Android Aphrodite

With Valentine’s Day upon us again, do you ever feel you have done it all? Flowers, cards, bottles of wine – they all seem so cliché. How about dressing up as a cyborg or ‘wiring up’ to your partner in ways you never imagined? Wearable technology is a growing trend and to celebrate this most romantic of days, here are five ways to bring technology into the bedroom.1. The Intimacy Dress
This dress by Studio Roosegaarde takes a playful ‘now you see me, now you don’t’ approach to things. The white or black dresses are made with smart e-foils and when your heart starts to race from excitement the dress becomes transparent, revealing the naked truth of your turn-on. Perhaps not a great idea if you are going out for dinner in a crowded restaurant.

Keen not to have men feel left out, Studio Roosegaarde is also developing a suit for men that turns transparent when they lie. This will definitely be a smash hit with businessmen, lawyers and politicians.

2. The Love Tester Bra

Japanese innovators at Ravijour recently launched The True Love Tester bra that only unlocks itself if true love is the mix. The company’s promotional video unveils the bra as the saviour women have been waiting for: apparently protecting us from the “animal, technician and flashy guy” who lurk around waiting to grope us at the first chance they get. While sexual harassment is a serious issue, how a bra, rather than lockable panties, offers protection is slightly bewildering. And why the bra is designed to seemingly burst open with great enthusiasm when it detects love, rather than discretely, is another mystery. One can only hope it doesn’t decide to fling open at the wrong time in the wrong place.

3. The Mood Sweater

The GER Mood Sweater, developed by Sensoree, includes an LED light in the white turtleneck sweater that changes color according to your mood: teal when you’re feeling zen, blue if you’re relaxed, magenta when you get excited, and red if you’re smitten. It takes the expression “wearing your heart on your sleeve” to a whole new level. Being in an awkward social situation can now be even more embarrassing since having a poker face and trying to exude the impression of control simply aren’t going to work if you’re sporting this.

4. Long distance fondling

Thanks to wearable tech such as Durex’s Fundawear, couples in long distance relationships are no longer physically constrained by geographical boundaries. If ‘sexting’ starts to bore them, they can now opt for vibrating remote control underwear. Using a smartphone app as a remote control enables either partner to virtually touch the other. Or so it’s advertised. How many couples will actually buy into this is another story.

5. Watch yourself get intimate

Google Glass is no longer new news but the apps being developed for it are still making headlines like the one created by Lebanese product design student Sherif Maktabi during the London Wearable Hackathon which lets a couple having sex see through each other’s eyes. If Google hadn’t taken the app down (the company is taking active measures to prevent sex apps popping up for Glass), women would have been staring in devastation at their cellulite in all its glory and men would have come face-to-face with a certain face they probably don’t want to see.

For better or worse our love affair with wearable tech is here to stay. While some of the creations emerging seem like random flings, others are sowing the seeds for long-term relationships. Our burning passion for the new technology is driven by the never-ending search for anything that can spice up our love lives.

Jasmina Najjar is a conceptual copywriter, journalist, and communication skills instructor at the American University of Beirut