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Stripped bare by technology

The latest in a series of bizarre creations

by Jasmina Najjar

Have you ever dreamt of being a cyborg? Ever fancied strutting your stuff like a character out of a William Gibson cyberpunk novel? Wanted to be totally wired and experience connectivity like never before? Then never fear, wearable tech is here!

The brilliant thing about wearable tech is the usefulness and life changing potential it represents. A lot of the innovative delights popping up will make you wonder how you ever managed to survive without them! One example that comes to mind is the GER Mood Sweater. An LED light in the white  turtleneck sweater changes color according to your mood ­­­— teal when you’re feeling zen, blue if you’re relaxed, magenta when you get excited, and red if you’re smitten with love. It takes the expression ‘wearing your heart on your sleeve’ to a whole new level. Awkward social situations can be taken to a whole new level of embarrassment as well — since having a poker face and trying to exude the impression of control simply aren’t going to work if you’re sporting this.

Another groundbreaking fashion statement gone high tech is the Spider Dress by Anouk Wipprecht, fashion designer, and Daniel Schatzmayr, software developer and hacker. There’s nothing more aesthetically charming than a dress with six robot legs around the shoulders. This beautiful tribute to horror movies on acid reacts to nearby movement, protecting your personal space if someone gets too close. Wipprecht states that “technology combined with fashion creates new ways of communication between people, a new relationship between interface and the body, and a new connection of the body with technology.” This creepy-crawly creation definitely opens the path to communication. There’s nothing like robotic arms shoving people away to break the ice at parties!

Baring it all

The wearable tech fashion craze doesn’t stop here. The Intimacy dress line by Studio Roosegaarde takes a playful ‘now you see me, now you don’t’ approach to things. The white or black dresses are made with smart e-foils and when your heart starts to race from excitement the dress becomes transparent. The naked truth of your turn-ons are instantly revealed. Very practical attire to wear while walking around in public. Keen not to have men feel left out, Studio Roosegaarde is also developing a suit for men which turns transparent when they lie. This will definitely be a smash hit with politicians, businessmen and lawyers.

Japanese innovators Ravijour have joined the trend with The True Love Tester bra that, as the name suggests, only unlocks itself if true love is in the air. The company’s promotional video unveils the bra as the saviour women have been waiting for. It apparently protects us from the “animal, technician and flashy guy” who lurk around waiting to grope us at the first chance they get. While sexual harassment and rape are serious issues, how a bra, rather than lockable panties, offers protection is slightly bewildering. And why the bra is designed to seemingly burst open with great enthusiasm when it detects love, rather than discreetly, is another mystery. One can only hope it doesn’t decide to fling open at the wrong time in the wrong place. That might prove to be a bit too flashy.

Thanks to wearable tech like Durex’s Fundawear, couples in long distance relationships are no longer physically constrained by geographical boundaries. If ‘sexting’ starts to bore them, they can now opt for vibrating remote control underwear. Long distance partners will have the ability to control the how, the when and the where of the vibrations in their lover’s lingerie.

Not all wearable tech is as superfluous as the inventions mentioned. Some have more concrete uses, although they haven’t yet reached their true potential. Smartwatches, for the most part, don’t look very smart at the moment. There are none that will look spectacular with the little black dress. Nor is their functionality something to rave about. Some display notifications but do nothing else, while others suck the batteries dry with more gusto than vampires.

Looking in the future

Google Glass is no longer new news but apps being developed for it are still making the headlines. One example is the app created by Lebanese product design student Sherif Maktabi during the London Wearable Hackathon which lets a couple having sex see through each other’s eyes. If Google hadn’t taken the app down — Google is taking active measures to prevent sex apps popping up for Glass — women could have been staring in devastation at their cellulite in all its glory and men could have been up close with a certain face they probably didn’t want to see.

Beyond false eyelashes that can be used to switch lights on and off — let’s hope the wearer isn’t a compulsive blinker — and fingernails with tracking tags in them — a great way to ensure Big Brother can trace you — there lies a world full of necklaces with USB flash drives, bracelets that are actually mobile phone chargers and a vast array of other functional gadgets and gizmos.

There are also some wearable tech innovations that truly have the potential to improve lives. The ocular health monitoring smart contact lenses that Swiss scientists at ETH Zurich are working on and Google’s smart lenses that monitor glucose levels are prime examples of this.

For better or worse, our love affair with wearable tech is here to stay. While some of the creations seem like random flings, others are sowing the seeds for the long-term. This burning passion is driven by several market factors, including our affection for things that can spice up our love lives.

So get ready to wear your tech.

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Jasmina Najjar

Jasmina Najjar is an academic, conceptual copywriter, marketing consultant, journalist, and published author. A digital pedagogy geek, she loves teaching with technology. A Fellow of the Chartered Institute of Marketing (FCIM), she is passionate about the power of words and good content.
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